I have been trying to read (skim) the blogs that I have read everyday for so long now.. I breath deeply between blogs and cry some because I miss what life I had.
A short update is that I am still not sleeping more than 3 hrs a night and then wake feeling sick to my stomach. A couple hours later and at least 2 cups of tea and the stomach settles some.
I don’t want to say much because it’s hard enough in everyday life to find things to smile about and it’s way too easy to bring others down to ones own doom and gloom.
I found this post in my Windows Live Writer.. I guess I was going to post it the day David died… not real sure that this holds up right now… but as I look down on them, I do my usual and cry again… seems to be all I can do anymore, that and beg David to come home from work at least a dozen times a day.
Things are very uncertain for me, and although I am still able to be on line, that may well end. (hopefully, not for a couple months) If I can find a way to keep it you know I will ! It’s been a reason to keep going to me for many years and that hasn’t changed.. so it will be fought for. Meanwhile, after I post this I will try not to post of my life and depression, though that means posts will be few.
I’ve noticed this meme going around. Since I have a lot of depression it isn’t always easy to come up with things that make me happy… but it might help to have to focus on this.. so here goes nothing.
Yeah, I know.. big surprise. But I do love books. I love the feel of them, the looks of them, the stories they hold beneath the cover. There’s not much I don’t like about them.. except maybe the price. But, that’s only because money is a necessity and many would have you believe books are not a necessity.. but they are, even if only in small amounts.
Another shocker huh?! I do love movies. Had I ever been at the right place and the right time, I might have something to do with them instead of just enjoying watching them. Often I thought that if computers had been available when I was in High School that I would have leaned towards learning how to do special effects.
Having had the privilege of being on both Paramount and Warner Brothers lots when I lived in California.. I can safely say that I would have loved to been a part of making the magic happen.
3. Dragons and Pern
Boy, I am just loaded with surprises eh?! Anyone who has read my blog for any amount of time knows how I love dragons… and especially the dragons of Pern!
Mnementh, Ramoth , Canth, and Ruth are only four of the most endearing dragons ever to grace a book. I realize that, “endearing” and “dragons” aren’t normal in the same sentence, but when your dragon saves your life time and again, can read your every thought and lives just for you.. well… endearing isn’t even the strongest word to use.
I do love dragons of all sorts, I even collect book dragon statues.. and Pern.. well, I’d give Pern serious consideration as where I’d want to live if it wasn’t here on earth.
4. Being Around Creative People
I feel very comfortable around creative people, even though I don’t have their talent, I feel no jealousy and seem to understand where they are coming from. Creative people are many and varied. Actors, writers, artists are a few that come to everyone’s minds, but there are many many others. The neighbor who can design and make clothes, the mother who crochets, the cook who makes their own recipes… they are all creative people. But I will admit that being around talent such as actors and writers and designers of all sorts, and after I am in their company for any length of time.. I feel as if I could do it too!.. of course this is a fallacy but hey.. it feels good!
5 Autograph Shows/ Conventions
I bet if I put this list on someone else’s blog ya’ll would still know that it’s MY list! sheesh. Yep, I love my conventions and autograph shows! Love collecting the autographs and love meeting both the celebrities and the folks that love the celebrities! (some of them are better than the celebs lol) It’s a feeling that comes over me… that anything is possible. It’s a high that’s stays only as long as the show.. but it’s a great high, and although you have to come crashing down.. there’s always the next one to look forward to!
I saved this for the end. Because it’s the one thing that can give me all I could ever want. It takes me away. Sometimes to a distant land, sometimes just to a place I have never been. I can linger there as long as I want. I can forget all that life has dealt me and replace it with a whole new life. I can become young again. I can do magic! I can fly on a dragon! I can be happy.
Without the imagination.. the books and the movies wouldn’t really mean very much. With imagination you give yourself permission to run away and be anything you want, wherever you want, and change everything anytime you want… how could anyone not love imagination?
All my life I have lived with animals. When I was very young we had dogs and cats.. along with rabbits, mice, turtles and birds! I know I loved them all because I’d cry when we’d loose them.. so it has to be love.
As I got older I trimmed it down to just a dog and cat. And then just a cat. Then I did volunteer work for Tippi Hedren in California and helped out around Lions and Tigers, Cougars and Elephants! I loved every minute of it!
Now in old life I moved in with my brother and David, who when I first moved here had 10 (that’s TEN) cats! Now 9 yrs later it’s down to 5. I like to think there will always be at least one animal in my life, but I have to admit, the cost of owning one anymore is getting outrageous, especially the Vet bills for them. But if the time comes when I am not an owner of an animal.. well, I’ll just share the neighbors animals!